My light has gone

When I started my blog here at the start of the year, I had no idea that just a couple of months down the line, my beautiful herd of three who were my inspiration for giving my writing a chance…would in the space of a few hours…become my beautiful herd of two.

I am lost. I am so heart sore. My girl has gone.

Reality has not yet caught up to me. But the horse, my horse – the one who started it all was taken from me, in one sudden and devastating experience on a sunny, Thursday afternoon.

The pain raging in her body, there was no hope of recovery except to let her slip away. She closed her eyes. Her soft head in my lap. And at that moment, I felt her light go out. I held her. And held her. And just held her.

Life is so strange at moments. Saying goodbye is even stranger.

I keep recalling snatches of that afternoon. Especially today.

I so desperately want to shake my head and discover that when I arrive at the meadow in the morning, her golden face and bright white blaze will be looking out for me, as it so devotedly has for ten years. But two mornings have been now, and she is not there.

At present I only know, that my beautiful one of a kind horse, gave me so much love and strength over these last few months – and my healing mission will continue on in her honor and memory. She freed me from the pain I was in. And, with my adored friend and sister at my side, we freed my darling girl, from hers.

My light is dim just now. But with my Faith, my family and my dearest friends – I know I will be okay. We will all get through this…somehow. Someway.

We are a little herd of two now – but we will continue on together with every lesson my beautiful golden pony bestowed upon us. My two little herd members are so remarkably calm…how animals know and accept these changes…well, it’s miraculous to me.

What can I say to end this chapter. This era…..

The time in my life when my Bridie was here has now closed. I do not know quite what to do with myself right now…but writing…and pouring myself into our memories….seems the only way I can keep hold of her and not just yet, let her go.

me-ND-MY-GIRL

The last picture we took together

My Bridie and Me

*

‘I wish heaven had a staircase so I could come and go.

To see you again, to have and to hold ‘

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