Whenever I feel unsure of myself, of my path, of the world – I always retreat to my horses and to my love of writing. I scribble my thoughts down and express them upon the pages of my favourite diaries, to clearly relieve them from their circuit training around my mind. Sometimes I share snippets of my feelings onto my blog – it’s lovely to have a place to type away whatever graces your thinking. It doesn’t matter if these thoughts go unread. What matters is they are free and not clouding up the peace within ourselves, that so easily gets swallowed up by worries and day to day insecurities.
These last few weeks have been a roller coaster of excitement and worry. A lot of changes have come all at once, and although they are in no way bad changes of any kind – they are in all honesty simply overwhelming changes, and changes fraught with responsibility. It seems due to these new developments that have fallen into my life, my anxiety levels have risen with them. Perfectly natural I am sure you’d agree – but what’s difficult about the anxiety I feel is that it does not ease very well, even after the period of adjustment to new chapters. It stays put. Like a worried little voice on my shoulder desperately trying to keep some kind of control over the familiar. A mental anxiety, continually chattering – at times making me recoil into myself, unable to grasp onto rational reality.
Socially it becomes very intense to manage, as I flutter from person to person, appearing rather like a dazed moth heading for the bright light bulb, with no sense of order or direction to myself! This is how it feels anyway!
However, what I find such a comfort is how this disorientated state dissolves the moment my horses look at me. It’s like they’re sending a quiet message of reassurance which is instantly calming and brings me back to the moment. Back down to earth. They’ll nicker at me – a throaty chuckle sound you may say – talking to me in their own individual equine way, letting me know everything will be okay.
It is so humbling to be in their presence at times like this. It’s so special to have such a sensitive creature as the horse is, to read you, come to your side and make everything feel better. It puts you straight back on track again, and your world makes so much more sense than it did before.
The water meadow is now filled with hoof beats from four precious horses. Four beautifully unique equine treasures, rummaging for tufts of autumnal grass, touching noses across the fence, tossing manes and swishing tails in the cool September breeze – and rather a lot of rain fall today I must add!
When they look straight into my eyes with such kindness and acceptance, I just know that together we’ll always find a way to be okay and sail through any anxiety storms, no matter where they take us.
I am very blessed to have these incredibly precious horses in my life.
If I am a little lost, I know I’ve got a place to go
and it means so much to know I can share any of life’s little worries so closely with them.
Horses read us better than we do ourselves . . . and they listen like no other.
A loving welcome to our meadow ~ The beautiful Pearl
~ and then there were … four ~